Sunday, November 15, 2009

Green Tea Party 2012!

While the GOP's approval ratings are slightly lower than gonorrhea, the future for the party doesn't look too bright in the 2012 election. A testament to that is the candidates' need to already begin preparing for the upcoming election.

However, the election still needs another party to compete with the Democrats, which is why I propose combining two independent parties to create one SUPER PARTY! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: THE GREEN TEA PARTY 2012!

The party is a combination of the Green Party and the Tea Party.

Besides the many health benefits such a party provides, the two groups have more in common than many realize. Take Feminism and a respect for diversity as examples. While such principles are highly endorsed by the Green Party, the Boston Tea Party actually practices what it preaches.

Take Marilyn Chambers who ran as the Tea Party's vice president last election. Her career as an ex-porn star is an indicator of such beliefs. She and African American boxer Johnny Keyes acted (if you know what I mean..) in the porn film titled Behind the Green Door. But before engaging in such activities, she also participated in a lesbian scene. Feminism anyone?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

You gotta pay to play

Purchasing products on E-bay's auction was easy, simple, and well... I always won. I'd just go in last minute to place my bid and sure enough, an Xbox 360 would be shipped to my house the following week.

But Swoopo is a completely different beast to tame. What makes this auction website unique is each bid costs 60 cents to purchase, and bids can be purchased in packs of 40, 75, 150, 400, and 1000. Bids can only be incremented by 1, 2, or 6 cents - even for items such as laptops which may cost well over $1,000.

The winner is the last person to place a bid by the end of the auction time. However, each time someone places a bid, the auction time is increased by 20 seconds, giving everyone a "fair" chance to play.

Some websites have reported wins for a refrigerator at only $9.66, a laptop for $23.27 and a video game which only sold for $5.88. But this doesn't include the money spent on placing bids. (Remember, each bid costs 60 cents!)

It's quite a brilliant business plan, if I dare say so myself. Swoopo is essentially profiting from all the bidders, whether they win or not - and granted there is only one winner, this effectively means there were many others who spent money on bids.

It's a combination of e-bay and the thrill of Las Vegas swirled into one, served with a scoop chocolate ice-cream on the side.

Another fascinating, probably less obvious element of this website, is the psychology behind the decisions of the users. The fact that many of these users have invested time and money into objects, poses many questions. To what lengths are these users willing to go? Is this technically a form of gambling? How does competition play out for an item of high demand? If there are any economics nerds looking for an experiment , I'd suggest looking into the "market decisions" and relating it to behavioral economics. - are people still rational?

I assume the only way to actually win an auction is to be stubborn and extremely persistent, and glue yourself infront of the computer screen until the auction is complete.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

FLESH EATING ROBOTS!?

Have the 1950s science fiction movie reels become a reality?! Robots escapading about, searching for FOOD! WATCH OUT!

A new robot has been in development since 2003 formerly known as, Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR).

What makes this robot significant is its ability to "eat." It ingests "biomass" from its surroundings, allowing the robot to go on long trips, without the need for manual refueling.

What I found humorous is a while back, Fox news asked whether the robot would eat the corpses of dead soldiers - but apparently the robot is vegetarian.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ode to Green Tea

(DISCLAIMER: this is in no way a poem, as suggested by the title. It is, however, an expressive tribute exalting my deep feelings and emotions towards green tea, as suggested by the title.)

Before I begin, let me make a few things clear:

No, I am not writing this out of boredom, and no, I am not being paid by any green tea companies.

And no, I am definitely not not drinking green tea right now. (That's right - a double negative. Dare to read on?)

The story begins two months ago when I was at a coffee shop working on my nerdy endeavors...

Before sitting at one of the vacant tables, I ask the barista, "What's good?" I was sick of my usual latte and wanted to venture out and try new things. This self-proclaimed coffee connoisseur went off on a tangent about special cocoa beans they were lucky to have because they were the highest bidders.

He continued talking for an hour. Or maybe it was a minute. I don't know, I zoned out - that is until my selective hearing feeders detected two magical words: green, and tea.

These words immediately shot to the feel-good receptors in my brain, (the part of the brain which also ignites when you take drugs such as ecstasy) which when I knew I had to have some of this stuff. (To clarify, when I say stuff I am referring to green tea.)

I immediately snapped out of my coma and blurted, "I'll have a green tea."

That schmuck barista repeated, "green tea?" in his pretentious, la-di-fucking-da tone. I didn't even bother responding, my mind was somewhere else. My mind was in a state of zen, and I kept repeating my mantra: "green tea I must have."

I will never forget that first sip. It burnt my tongue and food tasted funny for the rest of the week. But I didn't care, all that mattered was my green tea and I. That beautiful taste of green cleansing my mouth, flowing down my throat, and spilling into my stomach.

Twenty minutes, and twenty dollars later, I was a different woman. Older? By definition, yes. Happier? FUCK YEA. Wired? Out of mind, like you wouldn't believe!

When I look back at that day, I feel relieved. Relieved to have experience such a life changing moment. In some ways I feel as though every task I do, every move I make is richer, deeper in meaning. Not a day goes by, where I don't drink at least three cups of tea.

Some may drink tea and think nothing of it. Some may drink tea and think, "I hope my throat ache goes away." But some, and I hope all of you green tea drinkers will reach this level of self attainment one day, drink tea and think, "!dkfjkf93401!3940ka--039d." The latter, my dear friends, is the essence of green tea.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

How much do I love Stephen Colbert?

How much do I love Stephen Colbert, you ask.
Maybe a lot.
Maybe a little.
Maybe I haven't even heard of the guy... Or maybe I have.

Ofcourse I have! Otherwise I wouldn't be writing this segment on my love for the one and only: STEPHEN COLBERT.

I would be lying if I said I didn't wait to see Mr. Colbert's loveley face at 8 p.m. everyday (that is 9 p.m. central to those of you who choose to live in no man's land america). I also would be lying if I said I didn't count the hours till 1 a.m. (once again, that's 2 a.m. for those of you living in the potato state of Idaho.) Oh Stephen, how you make me happy. If it weren't for your warm angelic smile, and booming voice I would have lost all hope for humanity.

Whether you are a democrat poking fun of Republicans or simply an arrogant parody of a staunch Republican I find you sexy. I even found you sexy on the "Dana Carvey Show" in the early 90s, or when you were on the odd, yet entertaining show, "Strangers with Candy". And when I first saw a glimpse of you on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, I immediately made watching the show a priority in my life. And when word got out that you were to have your own show I went out and partied like I never partied before!

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that thanksgiving is coming up soon and well, that means avoiding eye contact with any of your dysfunctional family members.

But no, I really know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm no special woman, seeing as there are plenty of other fans out there in support of Stephen Colbert. SORRY BUT I AM HERE TO TELL YOU, "NO!" I AM THE MOSTEST, ABSOLUTELY BESTEST FAN OF STEPHEN COLBERT!

I've read his book, "I am America and So Can You" from cover to back, thrice! I've read the well less known comic book, "Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen" in a galactic state of less than one hour. I watched Stephen on the Bill O'Reily Factor, I've read Rolling Stones' interview.

I've laughed with Stephen. I've cried with Stephen. I've laughed and cried with Stepehen.